When I came across this picture, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. I bet you are laughing at me already:) I know, I look pathetic in this picture — pathetically in LOVE! This moment was captured by our dear friend & Groomsman Anthony P. 12 years ago on November 13, 2004.
Well, Mr. T and I had this thing called LOVE all figured out (I mean look at that picture of us 12 years ago:). We were going to experience this “feeling” of great jubilation and sheer bliss for the rest of our lives. And as long as we “felt” the LOVE, we were going to have a perfect marriage…Ladies & Gents, we were in for a big surprise.
Brides and Grooms-to-be, I truly do hope and pray you will experience the “feeling” for the rest of your life. Chances are, from speaking with many friends, family, and those who married before me, the “feeling” of LOVE every single day of your life for the rest of your life is very slim. Here are a few things I have learned from my journey of marriage, it may or may not be helpful to you but take it with a grain of salt:)
I learned that feelings will come and go, but the ACTIONS rooted in LOVE will get you through almost anything — even an imperfect marriage like ours. I also learned that people will change. My husband and I change every single day. Our daily experiences, our interactions with others, our feelings & emotions, thoughts, etc. change every single day…and it effects our marriage — positive or negative. Also, I learned that men process information differently from women. I’m complicated and Mr.T’s well…simple:) Another thing I learned is our relationship with each other changes as it matures through the years. For example…
Here we are in our early 20’s…that’s the 1990’s. We dated 6 years before we married.
Remember the early days of dating? Well, when I look at this picture, I see two young naive people. Two people who thought they knew what love consisted of…LOVE=butterflies in your stomach. Those were also the days we would speak on the phone for hours…sometimes to the point we were mumbling words that made no sense…talking literally in our sleep. Silly me, I would get so excited when he paged the number “10” on my beeper (yes, old school pagers were in:) cause that stood for Mr. T’s name (btw, his name is Tan)
For you old schoolers, remember when you could spell LOVE upside down with the numbers 31707? lol!
Well, below is the most recent picture of us. When I look at this picture, I see two people who love each other with all their hearts and had to work extremely hard to make it work, sometimes even making mistakes.
There were days when we were not on the same page about life but those were the times we had to work harder to try and understand the “why’s” of it all. Or the times when children came into the picture and we became strangers because somehow life was about the kids. Instead, we had to try harder to find time to talk and get to know each other again. How about when we got so comfortable in our marriage that we forgot how to treat each other with kindness and respect. Often strangers were treated better than how we would treat each other in the home. But we re-evaluated our behavior and worked harder to build, encourage, and help each other become better people. And when one decides to make a career change for a better future (however long it may take – inside joke)? Well, it just meant we had to work harder and pray harder to somehow find harmony and peace through the challenges of change. Looking back, I do not regret going through the 12 years filled with tears and laughter. We may have been tempted to walk away at times because the “feeling” of LOVE was lost but I am so grateful to stick it through because it opened my eyes to what LOVE (in action) truly means.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Cor 13:4-8a)
Well, Mr. T…Happy Anniversary! I am so grateful for you and how much more beautiful you have made life. May we celebrate 100+ more Anniversaries:)
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to read “Growing Old With My Valentine”.